At the request of my family members I apparently need to blog more.

Things of note:

<3 my family and friends. I've had a great week hanging out with everyone and seeing people I missed and reaffirming some old connections. The holidays were super stressful, but with everyone's help I've almost made it through. Twin and I will be back by Wednesday, and then I can really breathe easy.

I still have a slew of responsibilities. First and foremost is to finish the AAS poster and find a way to print it. I *really* needed to do it before classes got out but I just didn't have the time. Next I need to install the photo software and send pictures to my sisters. Then I need to download the latex programs (I think it was miktex, texmaker, and jext ? also I should get bibtex but I don't know how it works at all), and update and translate my thesis draft into that.

And the grad school stuff never ends. I need to email everyone with whom I want to work and let them know I'll be at AAS; make CVs/contact forms to put with my poster; order transcripts for my last 9 or 10 schools, and order GRE scores for my last 3 schools once I've figured out if they need them or not; and apply to all of them; plus sign and send the forms for all my letter writers.

Despite this lovely break, I do have a lot of work to do, and I hope I can get it done in 3 days when I get back instead of playing my 4 new video games!

They're coming. doooooom

I'm studying circuits right now, but the WS reading notes and paper loom in the background like... giant.. ugly... looming.. things...

seriously sucky migraine on Friday put a cramp in all my "catching up" plans.

I WOKE with the headache. So not fair. Did nothing to earn it (and Sashafeather, if you put up with that kind of shit every day I am seriously sorry and I don't know how you do it).

pain meds held the beast back until 1pm, at which time I realized I hadn't eaten all day. But I had meetings. So I had to wait until 2, ate, had raging, blinding headache that made my eyes throb with every instance of noise and light, tried to sleep it off in the physics club room until 5, and then staggered home.

This headache lasted until 10:30pm, whereupon the tasty sinus meds my roommates bought me, combined with application of ice cubes, dark living room, a bunch of alone time, and some kittens, kicked in and produced a tenuous state of not-totally-in-agony.

Then I went to bed.

Least. Productive. Day. Ever.



I am pretty sure my boss is kinda pissed at me because I haven't gotten any real work done and the semester is over. And I've spent 4.5 years working for him, yet pretty much never put the lab as my priority. So! in order to appease the mighty boss, tonight I shall construct an introduction and lit review, as well as methods section, of my senior honors thesis. And arrange the proper forms for ordering those parts he wanted me to get.


Grad school stuff:

I finished Virginia, barely; had to have an emergency letter sent.
One of my letter writers didn't turn in some of his letters. He submitted the Virginia one late... growl.. .turns out he forgot to do the one for my big NSF grant as well, gosh darn it; I called them, and asked them if he could submit it late or if they might still consider my application. We'll see, maybe something will work out.
Maryland is essentially done, sans transcripts and letters.
UPenn is pending on one letter of rec (which I will submit tomorrow morning, at, say, 10am)
MIT is done as far as I can recall. They refused to waive my fee so I am kind of mad at them.
UCSD I am waiting to hear from them precisely what they mean about "statement of purpose, limited to 1 page"... cause mine is currently 3... so if it's 1 page doublespaced, I may be screwed.

That's it for this round. Next round is Berkeley if I can convince Peter to write a letter for me (he says there is no way I will get in, but I already sent them my transcripts and GRE scores, so I figure I could try), U of New Mexico, U of Mass Amherst, Colorado, U of Minnesota, Chicago, Johns Hopkins, Cornell, and Case Western.

and I need to figure out if I should call back the Delaware people who actually *called* me and wanted me to apply at their school. eep!

So, in other words, ridiculously busy. But floating, gently, on top of things. And who knows, maybe I will do all right in all these other things.

to do:
last week's lab
this week's lab
thesis
poster
WSGC paper
WS paper
WS notes for Tuesday and Thursday
Poetry write ups on two books of poetry, 1 poetry reading
poetry editing
Grad schools until death
help stefi xmas shop (casey, jessi, dad)
623 final.

I am soooo doomed

and one week later something presents itself to me.

I think that the mind (well, certainly my mind) as a writer does a lot of subconscious work, tying many different things in to build up the world until an idea breaks like a wave at the surface of the mind, pushing the debris of the current work a little further up along the beach. I don't really spend so much time thinking about what to do with plots and endings and characters and the like (although I've given a good attempt to set down some character stuff in writing for my really developed characters), but occasionally I will poke at one question or another, watch the eddies that occur, and see where they lead. Most often they only lead to other questions, points of confusion that aren't quite answered. Sometimes they result in that exhilarating click that I most often associate with NaNoWriMo but which I think now must come inevitably from the repeated poking.

I've figured out the plot of the Kaina/Indara story. Not the ending yet, mind you. Not quite. But a really good, solid poke at the plot that will move the story to the next stage. I've been stuck with the "well, now what?" question for almost a year... (okay, technically half a year, because a full year ago I believed it was a short story and would end with the cave scene). But today things clicked. Not just one thing ( secrets ), not just two things ( secrets ), but a whole slew of things( secrets! )it's starting to blur. But it's there, in places, and it is really shaping now.

*is excited*

AAAAAAANNND of course I don't have the time to write. *sigh*

it's been a while since I've written anything except poetry.

I'm taking a thesis in poetry next semester... it looks to be fun

but I miss novel writing.

Suibhe-y pointed something out a while ago (I don't know if you even REMEMBER): to write a story you must have a story to tell (well maybe you didn't say it quite like that... but that's what it amounted to). ie, plots. Plots plots plots plots plots.

What to do with my plots? I have some plots going on. Other plots are not fully developed. I don't have *endings* in mind for most of my stories. In fact, I think I have 3 endings in mind for maybe seven stories I'm currently working on (and by current I mean in the past, say, 3 years). Where did my plot-bug go? When did it fall off the face of the planet or get stepped on or something? Seriously, what happened to me having a story to tell? Right now I can think of over a dozen (hell, probably a hundred) new story beginnings, but only one vaguely generic sort of ending.

Maybe that should be my Nano goal. I know, I know, I'm not doing Nano this year because Grad Schools Ate My Brains Nom Nom Nom. but it would be a good goal to have--come up with 50 different plots with endings.

All the endings I can currently think of are pretty sappy. -.- Well, Siraya and Ilviras' one is okay, but the rest.... gah.

Advice for endings, folks?

glee for the elections!

glee for poetry class!

vague glee for the boyfriend being over to visit... it's ... awkward... but not bad.

glee for WRITING. Mostly poetry. but when I visited New Mexico, many things stirred inside of me. I think I love Albuquerque. I think I love that city, that desert sky, the way the mountains look so close. and I dreamed--so vivid. Not since the trees dream have I dreamed like that. It's story worthy, maybe even short-story worthy... ya'll know how hard of a time I have writing those! but maybe!

I miss my writing group. The grad school quest is essentially taking over--but to be honest, it's part the Twin as well, as she always wants to hang out on the weekends and doesn't like it when I plan other things over our "promised time". *sigh*

So many good things. and so much time lost into the bad things, the intense work and straining myself to pieces for little bits of school. In some ways I can't wait for grad school so I can focus on no more than 5 things at once.

Bless.

PHYSICS GRE!!!!!!!!

Still too crazy busy to write a real post. This is just a wave to say hullo and that I'm still alive.

In New Mexico right now. Unexpected. There was a McNair conference down here and since it's a prospective grad school, I got the program to pay for me to come (wayyyy more expensive than I originally thought, though. woosh). The conference was.... average. It was interesting to be here alone; I was able to get more work done and I didn't feel sad or even left out.

I dreamed here. Second most vivid dream after the ones with the trees. There was a wolf... I'm not Indian American. I can't have a spirit quest--isn't that cultural appropriation? if I take and I haven't suffered to earn it. That's not quite what I mean... but I can't just take the good parts of a society, the parts I like, and make them mine. It's not my society, right?... but there was a wolf.

Went for a looooong drive today. I actually ended up sleeping through the much-acclaimed balloon festival (a pity!!), but I got up early enough to discover that not only was the VLA doing tours today, but the Trinity Site (where they tested the first atomic bomb) was open to the public. Both only happening twice a year, and both on the weekend I was here! JOY! so I drove. And drove and drove and nearly killed myself taking pictures (naw, I would've just blown out a tire on the rental car) of all the mountains and then drove some more. and some more. Holy Seven Gods, these places were out in the middle of nowhere. I got to go into White Sands Missile Range (ooo, military!) and then made it out to the Trinity Site. It was neat, but I didn't stay long. But it still put me to thinking. What kind of responsibilities do we as physicists (yes, even the astro peeps) have, and take on, when we pursue physics, and become interested in these studies? What do we own in our identity, and what is our accountability?

Anyway, stopped for gas and headed off into the hills in the opposite direction to find the VLA. Damn, that part of the drive sucked. Every time I mounted a new hill in the car I almost went off road, looking for dishes. Good thing the road was mostly empty. Also, all the speed limit signs had been taped over with duct tape. EVERY. LAST. ONE. One of my potential advisors had mentioned a "Socorro Speed Trap" but hadn't elaborated, and I spent the whole hour trip worrying that I was going to get whammied with a speeding ticket.

The VLA was.... cold. and in some ways awesome. I wish the tour had been more for scientists, though I did get to ask a lot of questions and take lots of pretty pictures. And if I had been there alone, it might have been perfect. You have all this vast, vasty empty space, miles and miles of this sandy scrubby brush land that disappears into the blue shadows of mountains on all sides, and here and there the white, alien structure of a dish (they were in A-configuration, so very spread out). The wind slapped the plateau and the sky gathered fistfuls of dark clouds. It even started drizzling. I wanted to be alone with the wild, painful beauty of it, to touch the cold metal of the telescopes and blink back tears as they whirred and arced across the sky.

But there were people, and all I felt was a stubborn movement away from them. Maybe if they'd been willing to talk to me, to share in that wild, ridiculous joy--but they were in their groups, and I was alone.

In some ways I may have fallen in love with New Mexico. MOUNTAINS. Ridiculous. They're not... they don't scrape the sky, they don't prop up the clouds. they aren't touched with snow, they don't fill my vision, they don't cast a shadow across the land.

But they are so large that they are intimate, closer than they should be. Like you could dig your fingers into their sides and take a handful of dirt. And you almost reach out, and when you do you find out they're still miles, miles away... it's ridiculous. But they're beautiful. Like someone cut a shadow out of the early morning sky. And when the rain came, in the late evening, and pulled its curtain across their faces, I wanted to be there in the downpour, at the place where the mist and the rain became one, part of the dust and the ways in which things are obscured.

I don't know. It's beautiful. But maybe it's only because it's new to me? I don't know if I can see myself going to school here. Good thing I don't have to decide yet...

peace be with you peeps.

Flew in. Last flight was delayed, then cancelled; I got on a later (1am) flight to my home town and managed to get to bed at like 3 in the morning. maybe 4, I don't remember. My mom and sister completely surprised me with my guinea pig (I thought she was back in collegetown). Saw K. for part of a day (it was fun, and very relaxing), and R. for another part of a day (so much fun! I miss you! and thanks for guarding my shiny new laptop), and S. and Megs for another evening. I even stopped by and had supper with my dad and his girlfriend and my brother. It was good to see everyone. Had most of a day at my mom's hanging out and relaxing, and then left at like 11pm or so to drive back to collegetown.

The drive back was... remarkably... not that bad. I thought I would be a lot more tired. And I was tired, I won't lie. But for the most part I was able to stay well awake above the dangerous sleepy threshold, and I only had to switch with Twin a couple of times. We got back in at 4am or so and I collapsed at her place. Then I spent the day napping and seeing friends, and a week moving. Moving is hectic as always and left me injured and drained. But when it was done, it was very satisfying. My last night in my old apartment, my former roommates and I got drunk, cleaned, and watched the Olympics. I really like my new place though, especially now that my bed is assembled and my bookshelves loaded and everything is almost completely cleaned up for the new semester. I do have some stuff to work on yet, so busy with that and settling in.

Let's see... then I spent a week hanging out with the Twin and friends and our house's new kittens (squee!). Went to see Wall.E again with the Twin. Went to two birthday gatherings on Saturday. Went to the Rennaisance Faire on Sunday. That was pretty sweet. The jousting, though fake, was so much fun; we cheered for the evil guy, who promised us blood, chaos, and victory at any cost. He looked like a cross between Sting and the villain from Tank Girl (Malcolm McDowell??), and he had some pretty sweet horsemanship skills. I saw a falconer with his hawks and falcons, an owl, so many people dressed up like awesome, and a couple of freakishly entertaining shows. All in all, I enjoyed myself a fair bit too much, but it was great. Oh, and I bought a sword and pouch. Now time to figure out if I can carry my blade as a ... discouragement... on my long late-night walks home. And also, how to care for it. I think it's been handled poorly because the edge is fairly sharp but the blade is crusted with dried oil.

Today has been a busy and fairly productive day. I need to see a bunch of people and get things figured out (and I did, in some small part, though not enough); I have tons of papers to write and forms to fill out and submit and people to talk to and appointments to attend. The next few weeks are going to be crazy! I wish I could see my twin again though; I was really productive with her one day last week and I want to do it again.

I want to read more books, but already I don't have enough time for it. Barbara Hambly and Robin Hobb are going to have to wait.

I find myself gradually missing Arecibo in sharp moments--on the drive home from the Renn Faire last night, for example, I looked out the window and saw the Big Dipper, and I couldn't help but remember all the late nights on the dark drive back to the Observatory, seeing the silver sprinkles of light brilliant in the inky sky. It's good to be back, but I miss the people as well.

the velvet crawl of morning glories

only place I've known that is tired of voices

furred tongue of the cement licks my kneecaps

the sound of a hundred too-heavy moments

Well, this is it.

What a busy five days it has been. My receiver got installed on the dish and observations were made with it. We need to focus it, fix its pointing, figure out what's wrong with the cal and then calculate the Tsys and the SEFD. Which, unfortunately, is not likely to happen before I leave. I wish I had more time, but I've already been here almost a whole extra week.

Friday when we went up to install the receiver I tripped in the receiver room in the dome. Bruised my knee and wrist and got some delightfully square cuts. They're healing all right but I am worried about maybe having chipped something, and also an ugly bug bite which might be Lyme Disease! not likely here, but I'm a bit of a worrier.

Saturday we went to G.'s house for supper. His wife cooked some delicious South Indian food and we got to meet his daughter again. A good time was had by all and he loaned us his copy of Contact!

Sunday we did go to Playa Sucia, one of the prettiest beaches on the island. It was a really long drive, all the way to the south, and we left at noon so we got there at like four. Swimming in the Caribbean was great--the water was green and cloudy and warm and beautiful, and the salt did wonders for my wounds. We met a big hermit crab on Anthony's towel, and I found a bunch of sea shells. Then we went to La Parguera, the bioluminescent bay. There was a little too much city glow for the bay to look neat, but the sky was gorgeous, with a nice Milky Way and some dust lanes, and even some shooting stars.

We got in at 2am and I got up at 7am to come in and finish up my presentation, then headed up to the Visitor's Center early to practice. A quarter of the way up the extra giant hill (it's twice as tall as the way to my cabin!), one of the maintenance guys picked me up and drove me the rest of the way. I had a great, natural conversation in Spanish and it was delightful how easily I understood what was going on. The presentations went well and I got asked some really pleasant, thoughtful questions that I was totally able to answer. Post presentation, we had a party at the pool for a few hours.

Then I had two hours of observing time with three extraintelligent superbrits who spent the time three steps ahead of me but never unwilling to stop and help me figure out was going around. They ran around and shouted things and were swift at programming, and we fixed our first light signal until it got a lot prettier and the pulsar astronomer came to kick us out. So I returned to the pool, and we discussed so many intelligent things in a thoughtful, realistic, yet entertain manner until midnight. When we got back to the cabin, we watched Contact (loved it! turns out Jodie Foster stayed in the other cabin, though. What a disappointment. and that bedroom they show? that's the LIVING room. the actual bedrooms are much much smaller) and went to bed at 3. I almost stayed up for the sunrise but couldn't quite bring myself to do it.

Today has been super busy. Tons of running around, trying to get things to work, having final talks and presentations, doing pictures, meeting people. G. and D. took me out to lunch at Tony's Pizza and we've worked out the details on what we need to do next to get and keep my receiver functioning.

I get to look into coming back in January over winter break! I don't know how I'll juggle it around AAS and trips to prospective graduate schools, but it is worth a try. And I think if I don't get into graduate school, they'd have no problem taking me back for a year.

I am really going to miss this place. The strange, exotic nature of the nights, the dusks, the dawns, and the color of the sun and the sky during the day... all the greenery, the weird trees, the fresh fruit, the too sharp hills and the jagged cliffs and the giant cows. And the beaches. Definitely going to miss the beaches (I'm going one last time tonight in two hours). And I will miss all of the wonderful, amazing, friendly, kind, helpful, gracious people who have made this place a form of home. They have treated me as a scientist and as a peer and as a friend, and I have never felt more please nor more confident in my own abilities (except after going up to the platform). So thank you, to all of them.

Arecibo Observatory, T minus five

Wednesday, they took my antennas and receiver (together called the front-end of a receiver system) up to the platform and installed it on the platform floor inside the dome. BUT they got chased out by our pulsar astronomer, who wanted to use the time for observing even though it was test time. *disapproves*. And yesterday, the carriagehouse (ie, the thing the big line feed is attached to) was not working. So, no work getting done on my project then. Then today, some transmitter wasn't working last night so they are running it now. I might get to go up at 9:30 or 10. Hopefully that's enough time. Hopefully afterwards I'll be able to observe from the ground and get my real data.

The hard part about doing an instrumentation REU is that I'm coming into what is essentially a closed, functional system. There are enough people here to run around and keep the telescope running; but all the people are required at all points of their time to do it. Introduce me, and suddenly I'm trying to use the resources available to add an additional function to the telescope. I can't disrupt the running of the telescope, though, so the real result is that everyone is worked extra hard whenever they have time to spare and nothing of mine gets done in a timely fashion.

Well, anyway, at least it's heading up and essentially from here on out it's data reduction.

Wednesday we went to the beach for sunset. I forgot my camera but John and Diana let me take some sweet pictures. The beach was glorious--the water just warm enough, and lots of big swelling waves. I want to go back there so that feeling can stick with me. There was also a cooler full of beverages and pizza afterwards. The people here are ridiculous levels of fun and oh so kind and helpful. I hope we can go again next week Tuesday, the night before I leave.

When we got back from playa and pizza, there was a coqui on our window. I caught it and held it for a while, and then when I tried to look at it it jetted out of my hands. I chased it around the porch for a bit but I couldn't catch it again, so I just took a bunch of pictures and then chased it away. SO CUTE! half the height of my thumb and not much wider, so light and little... I think something about me is a little more complete after getting the chance to see the great mystery of Puerto Rico, the small and the difficult to find, the singing of the frog at dusk.

My camera is incapable of capturing the light here. Dusk is brilliant and overflowing with a sort of shivering illumination that makes the trees and the cabins more obvious, and yet my camera has the hardest time getting pictures that emphasize this... this magical post-sunset landscape... it's just impossible to describe. And then, the night! a slew of liquid darkness brimming with frogs and insects singing, the rustle of the trees in the wind.

And that's jungle darkness. It's different from the ocean darkness, where the whole world simply disappears at the shore's edge, and the lights and everything human falls off and what's left behind is... nothing.

I'm going to miss it here. I love this place, its newness and strength and magic, its dusk and its night and the soft shallow luminescence when the sun rises.

A week until I leave! and of course, the result is PANIC and FLAILING and TONS OF WORK LEFT TO DO.

Basically, my antennas and receiver box are finished. So today, hopefully! (assuming I see Carlos), we take them upstairs and install them. And if we get lucky and have time, I get to do a scan using a spectrum analyzer as opposed to a full backend receiver. If I do that, then I can make sure that my system, which is, let me tell you, sensitive to  a range where there's a lot of high spike interference, won't blow out the backend receiver it's plugged into. I don't know *how* I will determine that, but that's what I get to figure out.

IF that plays out well, then on Friday we have a whole chunk of time where I get to manipulate the system into thinking my receiver is some other receiver (because my receiver hasn't been programmed in yet) and then taking observations with it. Hopefully. Two major observations to do in that time period. The first is to focus my receiver; ie, figure out how much offset it is from focus and then adjust it. With software. Somehow. And then the second is to do essentially a cross or spider scan of as much sky as possible with my receiver, to check out the local RFI that we see from the telescope.

Did I forget to mention that I need to first hook my system up to the noise figure meter and figure out the cal level, then email that to Phil?

Does it not make sense to you?
Because large portions of it are gibberish to ME. and it's my freakin frontend.

Then comes the data reduction. Vasty, vasty quantities of data reduction. And I'll get the data on FRIDAY, so I'll have to work on it on SATURDAY (in addition to a pre-pack to figure out if I need to mail anything) before heading off to my boss's for a going away supper, and then on SUNDAY we're going to supposedly the prettiest beach in the south (well, it'll be a Caribbean beach; I admit, I don't need much more) and then to the bioluminescent bay at night. And then MONDAY is the workshop and our going away party and TUESDAY is my presentation. when the heck am I going to have time to reduce all that data before Tuesday???? AAAGH!

and WEDNESDAY I leave. We head out at 10 am, which might give me some time to go shopping before hand. There are a few things I need to pick up yet (Louise (?), Jacki and Rachel (R!), Paddy and Sarah (R!), Patrick (?), Stephen (?), Mom (C+), Ryan (?), Casey (?)--aack!). A visit to the visitor's center this weekend might help with this.

Anyway, one week and then I can see my family again, and have a few days hanging out with some fantastic friends, and then I get to head back to town and move in and get cats and do my regular lab research and... *is all excited*

So I've been emailing people I want to work with in graduate school. I've had many responses, and It's ridiculous how good little email comments make me feel. When one professor or another says something like, "I've forwarded this to the grad school committee chair, they always like to know about excellent prospective applicants like yourself," or "If you are in the area, please stop by and see us," or "Glad to hear you are interested in __school__," or even "good luck with the application process," well...

it just gives me a warm squishy feeling. :3

Arecibo Observatory, Day 61 (I think)

Whoosh. Two weeks until I leave, and a lot of that useless, restless feeling is dissipating. Yes, I'm ready to go and really excited to be back. But work is happening! The receiver box is almost done. I just have to:

Analyze and write up the LNA conclusions
Tell Carlos about any changes
Attach copper strips to the plates (once the helix+forms are attached) to impedance match

I think that's everything! then we get to install them up in the dome! (scary!) and take actual observations with them. Fun. Then, data crunch time and writing up a powerpoint at the same time to do my presentation on.

I am really failing at doing anything besides enjoying myself in the evenings. Last night we went swimming in the pool until late. This past weekend I did do some data reduction but I also went shopping in San Juan, and saw Get Smart (wayyyy funnier than I thought), and went to a panaderia. And I've been playing vasty quantities of xbox's star wars battlefront. Squee! I am learning how to aim to shoot. yay!

This coming weekend we are going to try to find Playa Sucia, supposedly one of the prettiest beaches on the Caribbean side of the island, and at night we are going to the bioluminescent bay in the south. Oh! and tonight we will probably go see Batman. yay!

Anyway, as far as work goes, I am behind on my IDL for home and my emailing grad schools for home and my studying for the physics gre for home and my writing my mcnair paper for home. Shootshootshootshootshoot.

I finished reading Inuyasha manga. Man, it was long, and I won't deny that a good 50% of it could be cut without harm to the plot (all right, maybe 70%). But I think it was worth it to see it through to the end. Sesshomarou turns out to be the best part (mwahahahahaha), and yes, there is lots of sadness, and yes, there is lots of gleeful happiness. Totally worthwhile. But it's long, I warn you, and at times tedious.

And let's finish that off by having an amazingly productive day yesterday.

The end of my 7th week here. Everything still feels like it's a dream.

The project is moving forward! My helix antennas are getting constructed and this afternoon we are going to try some noise figure analysis measurements on the two possible types of LNA (and no, I don't quite know what that means).

Pluses: I am learning how to work a network analyzer, and I think I will definitely get my receivers built before I leave. The guys I am working with (electronic department engineers) are really nice and very helpful (now that the telescope is no longer broken)

Minuses: Not getting any papers out of this. Also, I am getting sick of hanging out with people. Maybe it's just me, mood swinging, blahdeblah, but I want to spend some time alone. I don't want to put the effort into paying attention to and validating other people. It'd be nice if they did it to me.

Well, all angst aside, tonight we are going to go see The Happening and tomorrow, Wall.E. Then, in a week and a half, Dark Knight! Woohoo! And it looks like this weekend I might go to San Juan, and there's going to be a cook out Sunday that we don't have to cook at. And maybe we'll end up at the Caja de Muertos island (doesn't that sound awesome???) before I leave in August. Perhaps I'll even get the chance to hit the beach again before this is all over. Perhaps it's a bit silly, but I am really enjoying this as a vacation, learning to have fun and enjoy myself.

Other things: I am missing the family and the friends and the lab, where I can get something done without depending on one person who's too busy to help. I need to study for the physics GRE! but every night it's just too much effort, and I don't have a study space. I'm about 50% done with contacting graduate schools (and it's been a great help!) but it's really time consuming and, I admit, kind of boring.

I want to write, but I am at something of an impasse for both of my ongoing stories. I can't figure out the motivation in the wizard/slave story, and I can't figure out the overarching plot of the dragon story. I've some distinct images in mind, but nothing to connect them. And my poems keep getting stuck, because people are always around when I'm trying to write. rawr!

Today's officially the start of my sixth week, and I am just about half way done.

Cool things since last time:
Twin came and visited me!!! YAYYY!!! we went to the local Arecibo beach on Saturday and both burned; then on Sunday we tried to find Bajuras Beach and failed, so we went to Crashboat Beach and snorkeled around a sunken ship (so cool! there were tons of awesome fish and the boat was neat, but the waves were kind've rough for snorkeling). Then we tried to find Tres Palmas beach in Rincon and failed, but ended up at Rincon Beach, which was very peaceful. Lots of nice big waves but nothing to smash on. Twin and I talk a lot when we are in water. Then we headed all the way down through Mayaguez and almost made it to Ponce before we realized we missed our exit; turned around and headed back to find the Bioluminescent Bay in La Parguera. Find it we did (amazing!) and it was really really really sweet. We lucked out and made it out before the moon rose; the sky and the water were very dark, and riding a boat out there is beautiful. The stars were gorgeous; and then when we got to the bay they had people jump in and swim around so we could see the awesome glowingness of their motion. Green fire in waves and ripples.... Finally, on Monday, Twin and I went to the local Arecibo beach in the morning; then she dropped me off up at the Observatory.

Things that suck:
I'm sick. With sneezing and coughing. The coughing's actually getting worse and as a result I won't be going to El Yunque, the national rainforest, today. *is very sad*.
I can't do anything at work. I'm pretty much down to the machine shop stage, so everything I need to do I need to have supervision for, and everyone is hella busy. And next week my boss is gone so I am doubting that I will be able to do anything then either. I have to hope that the guys machine my stuff without me there. And I didn't give them the big picture... I simplified things... so there're a few steps that I'll have to do myself, I think, so that'll be challenging.
I don't know if I'm getting far enough on my project. I know it's only a summer thing but I do want to get stuff done and it's just not happening
I have run out of some food vitals (but fortunately someone is stopping at the grocery store for me today. yay!)
Family + Insurance = strife and suckiness. nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh. why are my family things so complicated and painful and awful? last night I only prayed for healing for my twin and I and happiness for the rest of the family. And it hurt me to realize how far away and perhaps impossible those things are. Why do Twin and I have to suffer so much in the middle of all the family whirlwinds?

I've picked up the piping for my antennas and sent in a work order to get the ground plates cut. I think today I'll find a caliper and go in and measure the width of that thick copper wire and see what gauge it is, and then talk to Dana about starting to wind it. Hopefully there's a machine that'll make helices if I give it the right dimensions.

We only have enough piping for one of the 995MHz antennas. Plenty of piping for the 700 MHz. I hope my simulations are relatively accurate. It would suck to produce this and then have it fail.

I got my book from P.1. last night, so I can start studying for the physics GRE.

Things to do:
Email more graduate schools (woo! I actually started! holla that!)
Study for the Physics GRE (seriously, just get to work on this)
Talk to D. and G. about the next step, now that modeling is mostly done
Measure the gauge of that wire
Go to the 2pm meeting
Go swimming at like 5pm after work (yay, pool!)
Reduce WSTAR data (seriously, just do this stupid thing. It won't take long and it's easy and you really really really really really need to do it)
Rewrite McNair paper for spring (gak!)
Submit info for AIAA scholarship (woohoo! goodbye to my last loan and my work study!)

I can get through this. And if I do, I'll be in good shape.

AND I have the best reward ever: Twin is coming down to visit me!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!! she'll be here three days, and I have off for them, except for the meeting.

you didn't think I wasn't writing here, did you?



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